What the Hell Have I
by sappynutshell
Summary: AU. Harry loses his parents to a random cold murder. He leaves his town and moves in with his godfather and his cousin. They are desperate to help Harry but how can they when he won't open up? That is, until their sweet neighbor crashes into his life...
1. Chapter 1: Rain When I Die

**What the hell have I?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anyone from his world mentioned in this story whatsoever. I am just writing this because it's been stuck in my head and no way do I plan on taking credit for anyone's work. I also do not own anything else let it be music wise or whatever that sounds familiar like let's say, Alice in Chains or The Rolling Stones. ;)  
**

**Warning: This is a complete AU and there is no magic or Hogwarts in this fic. I know, so sad but it just didn't fit in my idea. I just hope you guys like it and let me know what you think. Ahora, I hope everyone who happens to stumble upon it enjoys it as much as I enjoy writing it. I apologize in advanced for any errors it might contain. **

**Chapter One - Rain When I Die**

Harry Potter and his godfather Sirius Black had been out on their usual weekend nature hike in what seemed like the perfect weather. They had just finished a 2.3 mile run around the lake when they decided to skip the hike 'till after a little swim in the lake.

"On the count of three: one, two, and three!" SPLASH! They laughed and raced to the end of the lake and back. Harry, being younger and having more energy was on the lead. However, Sirius being in perfect envious shape quickly reached his godson and surpassed him with a great splash of his feet, making Harry stop and cover himself as his laughing godfather won the race and reached the shore first.

"And yet again, I have beaten you my dear, dear godson," said Sirius with a sly grin as he reached for harry and helped him to his feet.

"That's only because I let you win old man. You know, out of respect" he said with a wink as they started putting on their clothes. The sun was beaming brighter if that was even possible high above their heads.

"Of course," said Sirius as he looked at his godson and then at the edge of the mountain with a smirk that screamed challenge.

Harry knowing very well what his godfather was thinking decided to have a little payback from the water blockade from earlier. Taking him by surprised, he kicked the mound of dirt upwards in front of him and a great cloud of dust rose, hitting his godfather square in his unsuspecting face. Harry instantly seized the chance he was looking for and in a fit of laughter, ran towards the edge of the mountain as fast as he could, getting a head start on their race to the other side.

They were nearly at the top, Sirius having caught up to Harry somewhere in the last ten minutes when all of a sudden, a great darkness spread across the brightly heavens. And without much of a warning, the sky released gallons of water on the unsuspecting earth.

Harry and Sirius stopped running at once and turned to each other with an expression of confusion at the scene that had unfolded in front of them in record time. Knowing a lost cause when they saw one, they quickly decided to call it a day and broke into a full on sprint back to the car, not wanting to be one more second on the receiving end of those missile water bombs.

"Oh well, I guess it wasn't our day today huh buddy," said Sirius panting as he settled himself into the cozy driver's seat of the black '67 Impala. Fussing with the radio dial, he finally settled into a local rock station which ironically, began playing _Rain When I die_ by Alice in Chains. Man Sirius loved that band and he did feel like he was about to die after that mad dash to the car. He reached for the water bottle in the back of his seat and gulfed it down in less than ten seconds.

Finally taking notice of his godson's eerie silence, he turned to look at him and was taken aback by the intensity his face displayed. "Something wrong Harry?" he asked, wanting to know what was wrong with him. His chest was rising up and down surely from the run and dehydration but there was something else that was bothering him, he could tell. Whatever it was he felt, it was really bad.

Harry turned to look at him with a worried expression on his face said, "Sirius, we need to get home. Fast." Sirius not expecting that answer was about to ask more but the look in Harry's eyes told him to shut up and drive. He decided that to press for any more information would be useless, knowing very well he wouldn't say more, Sirius put the Impala on reverse and drove towards the Potter residence as fast as he could manage without landing him and Harry in an accident.

* * *

Harry stared out the window, not wanting to look at his godfather. He knew he was worried about him and wanted to know what was bothering but he couldn't put it into words right now because honestly, he didn't know how. He was very thankful that he hadn't insisted on questioning him. That was one of the things that made their relationship so easy and strong, the fact that they understood each other so well that words were unnecessary sometimes.

While he had been running back to the car, he had gotten this immense pain in his chest that told him something horrible was going on. He didn't know how he knew this or if it was even true but he wasn't going to risk it. He had to get home as fast as he could and make sure that his parents were alright. That was his main priority right now. A morbid feeling spread like cancer and infected his thoughts making it unbearable. He wished he could be home already.

Ten minutes passed and the Impala finally made a left turn into the parking lot of the Potter residence. Harry didn't even wait for Sirius to stop the car when he jumped out, almost falling face down but catching himself just in time. He ran to the front door and noticed it was unlocked. His thoughts went into overdrive as turned the knob and stormed into his home. He ran to the living room yelling for James and Lilly Potter but there was no answer. He checked the kitchen, the backyard, the studio, their usual spots but nothing.

Getting desperate he yelled, "Mum? Dad? Where are you!" as he came back to the front of the house. They couldn't possibly have gone anywhere because both cars were still in the drive way. No, something was wrong and he had to find his parents and know they were safe.

Harry rushed up the stairs. Sirius was close behind him, having finally parked the car and caught up to him. He started to get worried at the clear absence of his friends. He'd heard Harry's calls for them and heard no results. Maybe they were just out on a walk, which was probably it. Yes, they would be back in any minute. They had to.

Harry turned towards the direction of his parent's room and saw the door was half way open. He looked back at his godfather, bringing him out of his thoughts and he motioned him to go on, following closely behind. Taking in a deep breath, he walked towards his parent's room very slowly. He was afraid of what he would find beyond the door feeling his body growing heavier with every step he took. He reached for the door and pushed it all the way to the side. What he saw would scar him to the deepest of his core for a long time to come.

Sirius watched as Harry went inside the room and saw when all of a sudden and without warning he fell to the ground with a loud 'thump'.

Instantly he rushed into the room to Harry's side. But to his great horror, his eyes found the bodies of his best friends sprawled over the floor in a scene worthy of a horror movie. A pain like no other he'd felt in his whole life attacked his heart as tears of sorrow and disbelief descended from his dark eyes. He fell to the ground shaking and reached for Harry, engulfing him in a fierce embrace, not letting go for the world.

How could it be that James Potter and Lily Potter were dead? It was blasphemy; it was a horrendous nightmare that had no beginning and no end.

Harry couldn't feel anything. The tight embrace from his godfather brought absolutely nothing to him. He was far from the feeling of comfort. He felt like the living dead. The heat in his body had escaped the moment he stepped into that room, leaving him in what resembled a tundra. He looked at the tragically beautiful corpse of his mother and at the defeated corpse that a few hours ago was alive with the figure of his father grinning and waving him and Sirius goodbye.

"_You guys better not take forever this time. It's Manchester United vs. Chelsea today at three. Oh! And don't forget our bet Sirius!" yelled James with a mischievous grin._

"_Yeah yeah whatever you say mate. Anyways, we both know who the best team is, Chelsea is so going to whoop some serious Man U ass today!" he barked as he turned to his childhood friend, giving him a knowing look and got inside his car._

_Harry waved good bye to his father and went inside the car, quickly going for the radio dial before his godfather beat him to it. He instantly grinned when he heard The Rolling Stone's Laugh, I nearly died playing. He turned to his godfather who smirked at him with approval. Sirius put the car into drive and waved one last goodbye to James before hitting the petal to the metal._

_James waved back with a genuine smile and watched as the 'ol black '67 Impala caring his best friend and son peeled out of the driveway. Man how he loved those crazy two._

_And with one last smile and a shake of his head, he shut the door, not bothering to lock it and ran up the stairs to find his beautiful Lily waiting for him with a sexy smile, eagerly on their bed._

Sirius finally let go of Harry, looking for some sign of life in his emerald eyes. All he found though was an empty shadow that shunned the light they usually wore.

"Harry … I – Harry, I n-need to c-call the cops and report this..." It was really difficult for Sirius to talk but he needed to be the strong one here. He was the adult and from now on he realized, he was all that Harry had. He had to be strong for Harry, he had to be strong for the both of them. Right now was not the time to breakdown.

He was starting to worry at the nonexistent responses he was getting from his godson. He was just kneeling there, looking into space. It pained him more to see him like this, without any sense of emotion. He'd rather see him yelling, crying or cursing, even hitting him if it meant he would release everything he knew was eating him up inside.

But that was too much to ask. Harry had no intention of displaying any emotion and he had to let it go for now. He knew his godson and he knew he had to let him process everything first. He would talk when he was ready. Whenever that was, he hoped it was soon.

With one last look at his fallen friends and his broken godson, Sirius carefully stood up and walked down the stairs to the kitchen where the telephone was and dialed 9-1-1.

* * *

**AN:** Well you guys, I hope you liked it and it would be very lovely to hear what you guys think :) Thanks mucho in advanced for reading!


	2. Chapter 2: Private Hell

A/N: Heeey guys! Thanks for the wonderful first reviews. I'm glad you guys are liking it so far and giving it a chance. Here's the second chapter. :)

**Chapter Two – Private Hell**

Faint rays of light began illuminated the horizon as dawn emerged. Sounds of tires rolling nonstop over the highway created a soundtrack to drivers traveling wherever the road decided to take them.

Harry gave a long yawn as he gripped the steering wheel of the Impala tighter with his right hand and lowered the side window, letting fresh air eagerly slither in colliding with his face. He took in a deep breath of fresh air and reached for his coffee, taking a generous sip before settling it back onto the cup holder. His thoughts began to drift on the past couple of days.

It seemed like a hundred years had passed since the last time he felt some sort of serenity.

Hectic.

That's what his life had been lately. If it wasn't an interrogation here, it was condolences and pity there. During his parents' funeral he had felt like one of those display mannequins the whole time as everyone he ever knew and then some would come up to him and start reminiscing about his parents. Harry would just smile and try to excuse himself the second he got a chance. He wanted nothing more than to lose his hearing so he didn't have to listen to one more, "I remember when…" or "your parents were fantastic people, it's a shame something so brutal happened to such wonderful people". He knew all of this; he didn't need a constant reminder. Hearing all that just made it seem more real than ever, something he couldn't deal with just yet.

He had been grateful when Sirius had finally stepped in and told everyone to give his godson some space. Once again, Sir Sirius to the rescue! He really needed to make it up to him.

It surprised Harry how easily it had been for him to leave his childhood home. Never would he have imagined the eagerness of leaving behind the home that saw him grow with every step he took; the home where he had been full of so much love and happiness. There was history at every turn. Every crease, every surface was a story to tell.

Now, it was nothing more than an empty shell. When he looked at it, it brought him pain. The laughter and screams of joy were nothing more than a ghostly imprint of what once had existed as part of the family. Darkness had now claimed his home, and Harry wanted nothing more to do with it.

And sure he was going to miss his friends at some point, but he could always make new. That wasn't his plan though, if it happened, then it did and if not then ruddy well good riddance. He had to get used to the idea that people came and people went, it was the facts of life. He didn't need anyone anyways; he was perfectly fine by himself.

Harry was getting annoyed by the way he was feeling but he couldn't help it. If he wasn't angry at every little thing, he was sulking and closing himself up even to Sirius, making him feel guilty and mad at himself.

Sirius should be the last person he should push away. He had been by his side from the beginning and never once had he ever contemplated leaving him. Hell, he was the only one who understood him and knew how to handle him at the moment. Sirius had taken him in without a question and what was he getting in return for all his troubles? An ungrateful brat.

The only thing that could give him some sort of peace knowing that his parents had been dead before their bodies had been used as an empty canvas by that demented killer. According to the officials, the Potter's murder had been the third case in an irregular pattern that was quickly emerging around the area. They told Harry and Sirius that according to the psychologists in the force, the killer shown signs of dementia and had this thing where he couldn't operate while the victims were still living. He used a syringe with some kind of poison that would immediately kill them leaving the victim feeling no pain whatsoever.

Regardless, his parents were gone and nothing he did or said would bring them back. A tear threatened to escape but he quickly suppressed it. He was not going to cry. He had made up his mind that hated day when he had found his parent's disembodied corpses. He could cry a twenty-seven foot waterfall and nothing would happen. Everything would be the same. No, he wasn't going to cry one single tear.

* * *

"Well buddy, we're finally here!" yelled Sirius as he jumped down the U-Haul, stretching himself as far as he could.

They had finally arrived to Sirius's cousin Tonks house whom he had called last minute. They would be staying with Tonks from now on until they could find a permanent place to stay.

Harry couldn't recall ever meeting her but he had definitely heard a lot about her through Sirius and his parents. His parents…

"Yeah… great" he mumbled to himself stepping out the door and shoving his hands in his pocket as he walked towards Sirius.

Sirius sighted and stepped back, taking a minute to examine his godson. He definitely had lost a lot of weight the past four weeks. He looked tall and lanky. There was a slow pace to his walk and his eyes had deep dark circles around them, a worrisome sign of sleepless nights and energy depletion. He couldn't blame him, he himself fell like shit but he couldn't bring himself to show it. He was the only thing Harry had, the man in the house and seeing him weak even for a second was nonnegotiable. It was not going to happen, at least not when Harry was around.

He was about to tell him he was there if he wanted to talk for what seemed like the millionth time when a loud familiar shriek from a certain brunette he knew all too well behind made him jump.

"Sirius? Sirius! Ahhh! You Sirius, you … god I missed you!" Nymphadora Tonks yelled, dropping her coffee mug as tears began falling down her face. She jumped into her cousin's arms and held real tight onto him, planning on never letting go.

Harry stood there feeling like he was intruding on something private that had been a long time prolonged so he decided to give his godfather and his cousin, practically sister from what he had told him, some privacy. Looking at the way they were holding on to each other made him a little jealous, but he quickly brushed it off and started walking off towards the side of the dusty road, oblivious to the adults in the tight embrace.

"I missed you so much," Tonks mumbled into the spot where she had buried her fac. Instantly, he felt the bolts in his walls crush one by one as he held onto her tighter, praying that his own tears wouldn't betray him and fall. It was just too much too fast. So many emotions resurfaced: the loss of Lily and James, the desperation of seeing his godson struggle with his inner demons, feeling helpless at his inability to help him heal because he wouldn't let him. And now the joy of finally seeing his closest cousin, his sister Tonks and the shame and guilt of years of cancelling visits for one reason or another.

He was straining himself to the deepest of his physical being not to lose it and break down right there in the arms of the woman that knew him better than anyone else.

"I know sweetie, I did too." He took her face into his hands and stared right at her, placing a kiss on her forehead. "I'm so sorry I haven't been around in such a long time Tonks. I feel deeply ashamed and unworthy of your time. I know I should have come sooner but I was a stupid selfish git involved in my own stuff that I didn't see the need to come all the way out here."

Tonks gave him a small smile. "It's okay dummy" she said as she sighted and pressed his nose with her finger. "Just never do it again or I'll personally go hunt you down, kidnap you, kill you and cut you into intsy bintsy teeny tiny pieces of confetti and scatter your remains all over the eastern shoreline," she finished with a smirk.

Sirius could only laugh. "You and your endless imagination, man I love you, you crazy old hack," he said as he ruffled her hair.

"Love ya more you ungrateful bastard." She grinned at him and slapped him on the shoulder laughing.

Sirius clutched his heart and opened his mouth in a shocked 'O' face. "You hurt me Nymphadora Tonks, you hurt me very deeply here" he said as he pointed to his chest, "in the depths of my aging heart."

"Oh please, leave the drama for the llama!" she mocked him. Sirius could only smile at his cousin. He hadn't realized how much he had actually missed her all those years. They had practically grown up with each other all their lives, resisting the Black family and all the evils that came with it. They had a pretty hard time when they were younger because from the very start, they had refused to follow in their parents footsteps and claim their birthright place as the sole heirs to the Black family fortune, built on nothing more than exploitation and corruption.

"Thank you" Sirius finally said as they had settled down. "Thank you so much for taking me and Harry in without a moment of h- hesitation." His voice cracked and Tonks was about to say something, noticing the quivering words coming from her beloved cousin when he held up his hand to stop her, "No li- listen. I know w- what you're going to say but I want to f-finish this first if you don't mind."

Tonks looked at Sirius with so much love and understanding, silently telling him to proceed that Sirius couldn't hold back his tears anymore as they began flowing down his gaunt face freely.

At his point he could care less that he was breaking down in front of someone especially if that was Tonks because he owed her at least this. He gripped her so hard as his sobbing became stronger and stronger until he finally collapsed on his knees, pulling her down with him. She rocked him back and forth on her arms. "Shhh, it's okay dear, it's okay, everything is going to be alright. It's okay, I'm here Sirius, I'm here…"

A few minutes passes and Sirius was finally ready to talk again. "Thank you Tonks, thanks for always being there for me ever since we were little. I just feel so lost and weak and I'm trying so very fucking hard to stay strong and put up this brave face for Harry but, I just can't do it anymore, it's so hard. I feel like I'm failing him every day. Every time I look into his eyes, it kills me to see the absence of life in them. I just wish I could fix all of this. I wish it was me who was murdered, not Lily and James." Sirius finished as he let his face drop in shame.

"What the hell Sirius!" Tonks had had enough. She was getting pissed off with the way her cousin was talking. He was not a loser; he had never given up on anything. She would be damned if she let him lose himself right now.

Sirius looked up with a puzzled face. He knew that look on Tonks face, it was her 'cut this crap bullshit or I'll beat you up'.

He sighted, "I know, sorry Tonks you're right, you're right it's just I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately and beat that it just seems easier to give up. But I'm not, you're right. I can get through this and help Harry get through it as well. It's time to leave the sorrow and despair behind, Lily and James would have certainly not approved."

It broke her heart to see him like this. He had always been so strong, so full of life that the sight before here was hard to watch. "Sirius, you are the strongest person I have ever known. I know Harry loves you and he would never think less of you. You've been like a second father to him and been there for him since even before he was even born."

Sirius smiled at his cousin. She was right. Then again when was she ever not? It really was good to have her by his side once again. She's just what he needed. He wondered where Harry would be back. Sometime during his little episode he had noticed the absence of his godson and was glad he wasn't there to witness it. But now he was ready to face him and be the best Sirius he could be. With Tonks by his side and newfound life, there was nothing in the world that was going to stop him from fixing his broken godson.


	3. Chapter 3: We Die Young

A/N: Oh man this took me forever! School started and I was stuck. I hope you guys like it and again, sorry for the wait.

**Chapter Three – We Die Young  
**

Harry had been walking along the side of the road for some time now. He had no idea where he was going and he was growing impatient. He was hoping to find that lake Sirius had told him about the night before but had been unsuccessful thus far. He had been craving a nice long swimming session for weeks now but to his extreme dislike the promise of a hole full with water looked rather grim for he had seen nothing that remotely resembled water on that never ending trail he was following.

Fed up, Harry was about turn back and head back home when he finally spotted it. Through the cracks of several trees a body of water was slightly visible, the sunlight bouncing of the glistering surface. Already feeling the familiar call, Harry broke into a desperate sprint as he fought through fallen branches and rusty leaves, desperate to reach his destination.

One by one, Harry began peeling all his clothes off. He could practically feel his arms whimpering at the amount of work they were about to do and in one swift dive, he submerged into the icy lake. Harry resurfaced and as in auto pilot his arms began to break the once peaceful surface left-right-left- right with tremendous aggression as he greeted the bitter coldness that was already making him numb.

Harry hadn't felt this alive in a long time. He ignored the voice in his head telling him after what seemed like hours of nonstop swimming to get out, accepting the pain pulsing throughout his body and welcoming it with open arms. He knew he was pushing it to the edge but he couldn't stop, he was addicted to the ever growing blinding pain floating up and down his naked body.

In a moment of pure exhaustion, Harry's arms stopped working. He tried to hoist himself up on the water but it was no use as he felt himself sinking. Water rampaged through his nostrils and his mouth as the lake began to claim his body, pulling him into her great depths. With one last glance at the surface, he could have sworn he saw a shadow reach for him, but he was too weak to do anything.

* * *

_After another successful night, the moon was preparing to say its goodbyes to the earth and make room for the sun to do its job. But since it still had a couple of hours left the moon decided to play with the sea for a while, making waves up and down along the seashores._

_Meanwhile at the Potter residence, a young fourteen year old boy had been awoken from a very good dream involving a certain Esther Nelson, by an unidentified noise that sounded very much like a knock. Deciding it was probably the neighborhood cat rummaging through their garbage again, he went back to his busy dream._

_However, the noise wouldn't stop making him stir on his bed for a few seconds until finally, the persisting knocking caused him to fully open his eyes. He jumped three feet in the air when a grinning James Potter burst through the door, scaring his son half to death!_

"_Get up Harry!" yelled James with the enthusiasm of a five year old._

_Disbelief evident in the young man's face, Harry turned his gaze towards the clock and read the time, 4:34 AM. He snapped his head back looking at his father as if he had thirty-seven heads before grunting and sliding back under his covers. Closing his eyes he decided he was having a nightmare because surely his father had not just barged in like a silly five year old and had woken him up at such ungodly hour._

_James fought back a grin as he made his way over to the edge of the bed and in one swift movement, he pulled the covers off his son. Harry's nightmare was becoming increasingly real._

"_Harrrrrrrrrryyyyy! Wake up you lazy bum. Wake uuuupppp!" said James as he sneakily motioned his best friend and Harry's godfather Sirius Black to come in. Sirius and James grinned at each other and tried to suppress their laughter as Sirius made his way to the left side of Harry's bed, carrying what surely was a bucket of very unpleasantly cold water in his hands._

_The unsuspecting Harry let out a long yawn as he snuggled his body closer to himself in annoyance, looking to maximize his body heat. He was not in the mood for his father's antics at the moment. All he wanted was to go back to sleep where Esther was waiting for him. "Go to sleep old man, the sun's not even out," he managed to hiss out._

"_Oh come on Harrrrrry, don't be such a baby! Get up right this instance young boy, or else…" he snickered as he stole a glance at Sirius. Still oblivious to Sirius who was edging the bucket lower and lower, Harry rolled his eyes and tried shutting out his father's annoying voice out."C'mon dad lemme sleep. Go away!" he pleaded, knowing very well he was losing the battle._

_There was a moment of silence in which Harry foolishly believed his father was truly going to respect his pleas and let him sleep._

"_Alright then son," Harry gave a smile of triumph as he let out a few chuckles. "…but don't say I didn't warn you."_

_James had Harry's full attention now, his chuckles long forgotten in the silence of the room. Slowly, he opened an eye and saw his father backing away from his side. He inwardly groaned at the sight of that famous mischievous grin that was currently plastered on James's face. Oh man, that couldn't be any good._

_He opened his mouth but before he could say anything, a chill ran down his spine as he heard a familiar voice at the back of his head. Dread beginning to dawn on his features; he was a goner._

"_Morning sunshine," Sirius beamed at Harry with a boyish grin before successfully dumping the complete bucket of doom on his godson._

_He should have seen it coming. Harry cursed at himself as he felt all warmth and comfort escape from his body, immediately replaced by utter wetness. He attempted to dry his face with his wet hands, glaring at the laughing figures of his father and godfather who by now had joined James at the other side of the room. Tears were coming down their face at the sight of dear 'ol Harry, the wet duckling._

"_I .. Harry… warned you… didn't listen!" James painfully squeezed out as he held on to Sirius who was on the brink of collapsing from all the laughter._

_Despite his current 'wet' situation, Harry felt a small smile tugging at the edge of his lips. He had to hand it to them, they were good . . . too good. They'd gotten him for what seemed like the millionth time. Then again, they were the masters of pranks, complete monsters when they were younger he imagined, bless their parents and everyone who had to put up with those two._

"_I see you guys managed to wake up Harry there," said Lily, casually strolling into the room with an amused look on her face. James and Sirius stopped their laughter for a second and shrugged their shoulders giving her a double dosage of innocent looks, earning a roll her eyes at them, making them snicker in response. Like the caring and attentive mother she went to the closet and came back, handing Harry a very nice dry towel which he accepted immediately, wrapping it appreciably around himself._

_He gave his mother a loving look that she returned happily. A sudden mischievous grin of their own appeared on Lily and Harry Potter's face going unnoticed by the two other men in the room. They made last second arrangements with their bright emerald eyes and out of nowhere, a loud war cry was released, startling the two fools in the floor who had no time to defend themselves against the two lunatics who were currently lunging themselves at them full force. Sirius and James were slammed onto their backs hard and faster than they could say 'ribbity rabbit do'. _

_Laughter thundered throughout the Potter residence as James, Lily, Sirius and Harry wrestled and tickled each other to death._

_That day had been one of the most amazing days of Harry's life. His parents along with Sirius had taken him for an early breakfast at their favorite dinner, Danny's Dinner where they were treated to round after round of the best, the incredible and 100% true epic chronicles of Sirius & James. They had been very loud throughout their time there, laughing and joking around earning curious glances every now and then from the few people who were there fighting the never ending battle with their eyes: to drift away into sleepdom, or wake up._

_After they had gotten their fuel and energy, they had driven to the beach where they were going to be camping for the night. It was the first time Harry had gone camping and he found it quite amazing. The day was full with numerous activities such as swimming in the beach, playing a nice game of volleyball and hiking on the nearby hills._

_It had been hours when night had finally arrived once again, hugging the day goodbye._

_Sirius was helping Harry tend to the fire that threatened to dissolve for the third time. James and Lily were sitting a few steps back holding each other tightly with a blanket over them as they tried to lessen the coldness from the air._

_Harry watched as his mother slowly lifted her head up at her father and looked at him with so much love in her eyes that he right about melted. James gave her a sweet tender kiss that told her a million times over how much he loved her and always would. Lily snuggled even closer and lost herself in him, forgetting about the world and everything around her (maybe not Harry) but her husband._

_Harry's eyes shined with awe at the sight of his parents and a feeling of warmth spread inside of him. Would he ever find that one person who he'd love forever and above all? That person who would take his breath away with a flash of her smile and make his whole body ache when she wasn't around? That person who would love him despite all his obvious flaws without an ounce of effort? His soul mate . . ._

_Sirius had also seen the scene in front of him and felt nothing but happiness for his two best friends. Their love was so strong and powerful, something he hoped he would find one day if he was lucky enough. They had created a beautiful family with a wonderful son and he felt pretty damn lucky to be part of it as well. He noticed his godson was still staring at them with a goofy expression on his face. Curious at what he was thinking, he cleared his throat once and after getting no result attempted again. Nothing._

"_Oi Harry!" he said as he waved his hands in front of his face. "Penny for your thoughts?"_

_Harry finally turned to his godfather, the goofy expression still on his face._

"_What?" he asked, turning his gaze to the waves crashing with the sand. It was a beautiful sight to behold, instantly making him relaxed._

"_Don't you what me; I saw that look on your face Harry . . . what was that all about?" he raised an eyebrow at him, amused at the redness coloring his cheeks._

"_I don't know what you're talking about," said Harry, firmly holding his ground. He was not about to admit to his godfather what was going through his head because frankly, it surprised him that he even had those thoughts. Harry didn't want his godfather to think he was going soft or something._

_But Sirius was not letting him off that easy though…_

"_Harry…"_

"_No."_

"_Come on—"_

"_Nope."_

"_Please?"_

"_Not gonna happen . . ."_

_Sirius knew he wasn't getting anything out his stubborn little mouth. He needed something fast! Something that would make Harry feel guilty or at least uncomfortable enough that he had no choice but voice his thoughts out of sheer annoyance. Aha! He had it._

"_I changed your dirty diapers and endured your constant peeing on my face!"_

_Harry just sat there, mouth slightly opened, a look of disgust on his face._

"_Oh that's gross. That's just plain disgusting even for you Sirius!"_

_Success._

_Sirius beamed at his godson, a smirk of triumph on his face._

_Harry wanted to wipe that smirk off his face. He needed a comeback. There, he had it!_

"_Then again, it's not like I held a dagger to your throat and forced you do it now did I?" _

_Ugh, what a smartass. Sirius held his arms up in defeat. "Fine, fine, don't tell me if you don't want."_

_Harry could not believe he was about to voice his thoughts but there he was, the words softly sliding out of his mouth._

"_Do you? I mean, do you think I'll ever find that . . ." he trailed off as he fixed his gaze at his parents once again. They were currently engaged in a suffocating embrace._

_Sirius wasn't sure he had heard him right. But the look on his face assured him he had. Sirius smiled knowing exactly what Harry meant. He had been asking himself the same thing for a few years now. There was actually a time when he believed he had found it, briefly if only for a moment and it had been the most amazing time in his life. Thinking of her still made his chest ache. He had forgotten how much joy and pain the thought of her could still inflict on him._

_Feeling a pair of piercing green eyes staring at him intently, Sirius pushed aside thoughts of her telling him it was best to not dwell on the past. What was done was done and there was no changing that. Then again, that didn't make it hurt any less . . ._

"_Yeah, it's true love at its finest," replied Sirius absentmindedly. He smiled once again at his two best friends. They had finally noticed they were being watched and they both stuck out their tongues at them making Sirius and Harry laugh at the love birds._

_No more words were spoken that night on the matter as the family of four retreated into their tents letting the sound of the tides and the whispering of the wind lull them to sleep._

_

* * *

_

Harry's eyes fluttered open to see a blurry figure looming very closely over him. He blinked a few more times as he rubbed his eyes until his vision was clear. Sure enough, the blurry figure came into focus in the form of a soaking curtain of curls attached to the head of a girl with the most beautiful chocolate almond shaped eyes he had ever seen.

He was engrossed in her stare, ignoring the tremendous pain screaming from every pore in his body and the myriad of questions plaguing his head.

Who was this girl? Where had she come from? What the hell had happened? How in the world did he end up where he was? Why couldn't he look away from those addictive eyes?

Harry noticed that she was wet. Why was she wet? Then his head started working and he began to remember everything that had happened. His body had failed him and he had drowned. This girl must have been the shadow that saved him. If it wasn't for her, he would have probably been dead by now, claimed by the bottom of the lake.

He was extremely grateful but he couldn't help but question, when had she gotten there? He hadn't felt the presence of another person. Then again, he was blinded to everything around him but the pain both physical and mental he was undergoing.

The curiosity was killing him. He wanted to know who this vision was and what she was doing there.

But not before he realized something very important. Slowly, he shifted his gaze down at his body and realized he wasn't wearing anything. Oh man, wasn't this a lovely day.

Trying to ignore the very important detail, Harry finally managed to gather up his courage and whatever dignity he had left.

"W- Who are you?" he stuttered.

Completely caught off guard by the sudden noise, the girl lost her balance and fell right on top of Harry, crushing him.

Crushing his very naked body . . .

Harry stiffened as he fought really hard to control himself and his little buddy down there. The girl just lay there, studying him like an open notebook. The strain on his groin was becoming too much and his body was a thousand degrees. Mortified, he felt himself harden under the girl's weight. The girl must've felt it because she instantly blushed and hoisted herself up to her feet.

"Umm . . . sorry," she said as she turned her back to him. Harry covered his face with his hands, embarrassed at the situation. Frantically, he searched for his clothes and finally spotted them on the other side of the lake.

Great.

"Err . . . I'm just going to …" he said pointing to his clothes. The girl turned to look at him and blushed once again at the sight of him. "Uhh, yeah okay. I'm Hermione by the way," she said softly, focusing very hard on an oak tree in front of her.

"Hi Hermione, I'm uhh, Harry," he said to the back of her head as he quickly rushed to fetch his clothes. He finally reached them and put them on as fast as he could, running back to where Hermione was.

She turned to face him, giving him a shy smile. "Hi Harry."

This was awkward.

"So umm, thanks for saving me back there," he said, shoving his hands inside his pockets.

"No problem," she said with a small smile. "I was going to have a swim myself too when I noticed you swimming and I - uh…" Hermione blushed even more if that was possible.

Amused, Harry felt a smile emerge on his lips. Feeling a bit bold, he took a step forward, making Hermione take an automatic step back. "When you what?" he asked.

He saw how nervous he was making her and for some reason, he liked it.

"Well … you see, I …" she sighted, lowering her head, caught like a deer in headlights. She couldn't tell him that she had been looking at him swim. That was just creepy.

Harry decided to finally put her out of her misery. "It doesn't matter. The point is that you were there and thanks to you, I'm here. I don't know what I was thinking; I guess I just needed to release everything . . ."

Hermione nodded and tucked a piece of wet hair behind her ear.

"Well, I have to go now, my mom is probably wondering where I am. It was nice meeting you," she said as she walked up to him and stretched her hand for him to shake.

Harry wanted her to stay. He wanted to know more about this Hermione person but he needed to get back to Sirius and Tonks as well. He stretched his hand to meet hers, lingering a little more than necessary. Harry felt something warm surfing through his body. He notice it evaporate as soon as their hands lost touch.

"Right, well … goodbye Harry" Hermione said as she turned and started walking away. Harry watched her retreating form.

"Wait!"

Hermione abruptly stopped and turned around, giving him a questioning look. He ran up to catch up to her. "When will I see you again?" asked Harry, eagerly waiting for an answer from the mysterious girl who had gotten his attention.

Hermione smiled.

"Soon," she said, giving him one last smile as she turned to leave.


End file.
